The reality is I struggle--most of my struggle is within--mental. I still have feelings of doubt and lack confidence that I can do this for the long haul. I am still so unsure of myself. It seems that there is little support/advice out there for someone at goal. The story is the same for WW--you make goal and the program becomes free--but little else is offered. When I asked for literature once making goal it still refers to the Points Plus program. Its almost like they do not want you to succeed. I still fret before stepping on the scale and worry about my next WI. It seems fear is driving my maintenance.
I don't want fear to drive my maintenance. What I need is a guideline formula to look for. I look back on all my past food I have tracked and see no pattern. There was no rhyme or reason to my weight loss. I was not super consistent in my eating. For years and years I put together healthy meals for the family and I made sure I had a good balance. It was my in between stuff that was out of balance.
When I decided I had enough--all I really did was cut out my snacking garbage and binge-like habits. I don't think I had BED mostly because it merely took a decision by me to the binge behaviors.
What did I cut? Well, in the morning I would eat several Hershey's bars or tons of nuts or candy kisses etc. Then I would eat a healthy breakfast. In the afternoon I would make baked goods--not all cookies and brownies--I made awesome bread too that I would eat 1/2 a loaf right out of the oven. Then a healthy lunch. I'd graze through on all kinds of stuff and then have a healthy dinner. After dinner was DH's snack time and naturally I would join him. Add to that fast food and restaurants and it was no wonder I was obese.
I originally joined WW in January to lose weight for my son's wedding in May. Fear again my main drive. Fear of pictures, fear of stuck in a frumpy dress, fear of being the fat mother of the groom, fear of all the eyes on my for the mother/groom dance.
But what do you know--I cut out that crazy snack-garbage eating and I lost weight. Enough weight to say in May that I was going to give this diet thing a full year of my attention and see how far it got me. I was certain the diet would betray me--that I was one of the many people who just cannot keep weight off no matter how hard they tried.
Like I said, after making goal in December--fear has been driving me.
I think the fear of regaining is worse than the fear of dieting not working. Because it is the fear of the non-stop yo-yoing, the non-stop emotional roller coaster ride that goes with it.
I also fear that no one will understand me. I fear that gaining would let down so many of my WW friends and my new friends at Spark People. On the outside I bet I look like a whiny complainer that is not grateful for being at goal.
I do have a lot to be grateful for and I often feel I have no right to want more.
So here I am--10 months of being at goal--and at a place where I can try to sort this all out. I see no rhyme or reason to maintenance either. I have weeks of being within my WW points and calorie range, yet still gain--so I buckle down and try harder and still gain. Then I give up and eat crap half the week and lose. I need a schedule, a routine, a sure fire way to stay at goal. I need something to make me feel like the scale is a measuring tool not a roulette wheel.
I currently am trying a new plan with the hope that there is a science to this weight management thing. WW and straight forward calorie counting gave me inconsistent results. If I am going to maintain forever, I need consistency.
That is my new quest--to go fearlessly (or at least fake it, til I make it) forward to find my formula.
The picture are me before and after, the green dress is at the wedding
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